red

2017 Chapter I Section 10

Red Day Continues

21:13 IST, I had many thoughts running through my head today, and I really wanted to pen them down. But, currently, I feel like someone has punched me repeatedly in the stomach. I also feel like a child who is being forced to wear an extremely wet diaper. I mean a very very very very very very very wet diaper!

And, the weather in Kolkata is not helping. I mean our usually warm city suddenly feels much cooler than I am used to. It is currently 14 degree Centigrade and my room has a mysterious draft inside. 

[Sidenote: Wait, is that because of the weather or due to the presence of a spirit? I wouldn't be surprised if there are a few spirits present in my room. Maybe more on that on some other day.]

Anyway, partly due to the medications I now have to take to stop my periods and partly due to sleep depravity (thanks to an idiotic friend who needed to talk at 3 in the morning which was mostly us fighting about inane things, I am also an idiot to have encouraged the fight) I am in no mental state to write today! I had planned to write some inspirational stuff like 'believing in oneself', but right now I am having a hard time believing my body so maybe not the best of days! 

Anyhu, I now lay on my bed, waiting to post the blog so I can use my hands to clutch my stomach and then make a weak, sad moaning sound, expressing how much pain I am in. 

On that note, Good Night! 

TODAY'S CHECKLIST:

  • Exercise: 4150 steps. 
  • Food:
    • Breakfast: None, I couldn't wake up. 
    • Lunch: Rice, dal, vegetables, fish
    • Snack: Super Drink, Chola salad
    • Dinner: Quinoa, Chicken Keema, Egg
  • Study: Stanford, finished a module. 
  • Read: None
  • Feeling: Emotionally Fine, but physically exhausted.

2017 Chapter I Section 9

A Very Red Day

I think when George R.R. Martin was writing about the Red Wedding, he was thinking about me. 

For a colour I do not like much, I see Red everywhere. I mean everywhere. 

I have been having my periods non-stop for 25 days now. I feel weak and woozy all the time. And, I lost 2 kgs! (I want to lose weight but not like this!)

Yes, I have been to a doctor. Actually, in the last five years, I have been to 3 different Gynaecologists. 

Each one of them has come to only one conclusion; my hormones are F$%ked! (I do not like using swear words much, but had to here) 

Now, it can be due to so many different reasons, but here are some of the suspects:

  1. The nerve medicines and the painkillers I had to take for a while: Now, both of these were due to Fibromyalgia. When I started having regular pain, the doctors didn't know what it was. So, I acted as a guinea pig to an orthopaedic then three neurologists, a neuro specialist and a psychologist. After months and then years of them recommending various treatments, finally, I was diagnosed with Fibro. It has been my longest relationship till date. Besides the excruciating and continuous pain that I have gone through (or go through sometimes), I was subjected to many kinds of medicines. I now avoid medications like the plague and always try to find an alternative or a more natural solution. But, there was a time when I had to take around 7-8 pills a day which included antidepressants (not for depression but the pain!!!). Anyway, I have been told recently because these kinds of medicines usually have severe side effects, having an adverse effect on my hormones can be one of them! Winner, winner, chicken dinner, eh? 
  2. The bad eating habit I had for a while: I know I have a food addiction. I do eat a lot more junk than I should or even want to. Now, I am not sure how to explain that but, I do! Either way, I need to stop complaining and start working harder. Life Mantra: Mind over body, mind over body! One day at a time, come on, one day at a time. 
  3. Obesity: Now, this has been a struggle for the last few years, 3 to be exact. I have been consistently gaining and losing weight for a while. This is part due to my depression and part due to being lazy. I do not have anyone other than me to blame. I am trying this year to make a change. 
  4. The odd hours that I have been keeping for the past few years: This has been mostly because of the kind of work I do! I used to work late hours while I was on sets as an AD or part of the production team. Then, came late night script writing and then I started working at nights as I began working with American clients for Social Media Marketing. A good night's sleep can solve so much.
  5. Thyroid: It is the suspect, but my doctor refuses to give me medicines for it yet. He says if I can cure this naturally, that's the best way to go. Now, I do agree with him, but it is quite literally making my life horrible. 

Well, there can be other reasons too, but since these are the ones which show up on the radar quite often, I need to focus on them. I have been working on them for a bit now, and my Gynaecologist says, there is a light at the end of the tunnel. But, till I see it, my body will put me through some sad days. 

And, till then, I just have to be careful so that every time I sit down somewhere, I don't go "Out, damned spot" (I know a bit out of context, but I just couldn't help myself, because 'spot', periods, you get it, right? :D).

TODAY'S CHECKLIST:

  • Exercise: Walked for 10 mins before I felt like I would faint on the spot! :(
  • Food:
    • Breakfast: None, I couldn't wake up. 
    • Lunch: Rice, vegetables, fish
    • Snack: Salad
    • Dinner: Rice Spaghetti
  • Study: Stanford 
  • Read: Finished Uganda Be Kidding Me
  • Feeling: Emotionally Fine, but physically exhausted and I didn't even do much!