2023 Chapter III Section VII

Doctors Galore

I am trying to take long breaths to calm myself and let myself feel the sense of relief I am feeling after weeks. Since the new year started, I have had a doctor’s appointment almost every single week. Sometimes it was the general doctor, sometimes the dentist, and of course, let us not forget the gynecologist.

Well, I am tired; physically, mentally, and emotionally. Sadly I am not fully done yet, but at least the pace is slowing down now, with two doctor’s visits a month. I am not counting the physiotherapist.

I am not going into what and why I had to visit all of these doctors; I just want to share the relief I feel; now that most of the urgent appointments are done.

2023 is the year I am putting all my love and effort behind my health. I have done that before, but not with the determination I feel this year. I always remind myself, though it feels tough now, in the future, I will thank myself for putting in all the effort. So…let’s gooooo!

2022 Chapter I Section VII

Who is that, staring back at me in the mirror?

How did I let this get this far?

I feel like I have woken up from a nightmare.

But, am I up yet?

Because this feels like a living nightmare.

I look in the mirror and see someone else,

staring back at me.
That is not me.

Not the me I know so well and love.

No, it is not the body that I care about.

What is this that I have become?

I never knew I hated me so much.

Is this hate? This cannot be love.

What is this?

I love food and that will never change,

But what needs to change is my dependency on it.

My mobility has become weaker.

Knee feels crushed under the increasing weight.

My chest pains from time to time.

While I sleep, my breathing isn’t the same.

I am scared. I truly am scared.

I do not want to get a six pack or a beach body.

I just want less pain and more health.

I know I have so many issues to work on.

Yes, I am working on them.

But, one big thing I have to work on,

Is me.

I know what is needed.

I just have to do it.

This is the time.

NOW is the time.

There may not be a tomorrow if this goes on.

2017 Chapter II Section 13

My Stomach's Revenge

Recently, I have been trying quite hard to reduce my huge paunch. 

I look like I am hiding a big watermelon under my shirt. I kid you not. 

I am exercising, eating right and I think my beloved stomach just did not like that. 

She needed to let me know that, and today she did. 

I woke up and realised my head is spinning. I couldn't even stand properly. 

Everything in front of me was spinning. I felt nauseated, and my stomach felt queasy. 

I spent a huge chunk of the day, vomiting, running to the bathroom every 5 minutes and praying to the stomach god to cure this. 

After some medicines and resting for the remainder of the day, I can now stand up without falling. 

My stomach has gone down a few inches. Again, I kid you not, it has. 

I think my stomach decided since I am about to reduce it, it will give me one last suffering.

 I suffered! A Lot!!!

I am just hoping I can keep my dinner down for the rest of the night. 

Tata! 

TODAY'S CHECKLIST:

• Exercise: None
• Food:
  • Breakfast: Rice, Dal (left me in less than 10 minutes)
  • Lunch: None (I was sleeping throughout)
  • Snack: Rice, Butter, Mochar Torkari (Very little)
  • Dinner: Rice, Mochar Torkari, Chicken Stew [I wanted to have Quinoa instead of rice but I was told, rice will help me settle the stomach, so I ate that]
• Study: None
• Read: None
• Feeling: Nauseated and weak 

2017 Chapter II Section 2

A Very Happy Birthday

When I first saw you, 

You were a little baby, 

Now, look at you, 

You are a grown lady. 

You have your own thoughts, 

And, you own desires, 

You will soon be breaking a lot of hearts, 

And, putting out fires. 

I cannot wish for much, 

But, I only wish for this, 

That may you always be happy, lucky, 

And, live a life of Bliss! 

Happy Birthday little sister. May God Bless you with good health, good sense and good luck! :) 

[Today is my cousin sister's birthday! She turned 18 today. When I first saw her, I was 11! Oh man, how time flies!]

TODAY'S CHECKLIST:

• Exercise: 2777 steps
• Food:
  • Breakfast: None (Woke up late, still haven't been to fix my sleep pattern)
  • Lunch: Kichuri, Koraishutir Kochuri, Aloor Dum, Beguni
  • Snack: Narkeli Kul, Orange
  • Dinner: Fried Rice, Cholar Dal, Alu Bhaja, Palak Paneer, Chicken Curry [Cousin's birthday special]
• Study: Stanford
• Read: None
• Feeling: Productive

2017 Chapter I Section 29

A Loving Letter

Dear Arunima's Health, 

I hope this letter finds you better than usual!

You have been missing in action for a bit now, and Arunima is getting a bit worried. To be honest, so am I!

She would have personally written to you, but currently, she is lying on the bed with blocked nose and swollen tonsils. She has a bit of a fever too. (I have allowed her to watch some Anime to relax her. She is watching a new series called ReLife, it's rather interesting.)

She misses you terribly. She really does love you, and none of it is fake. 

She remembers the good times and the bad, but you have never been gone for this long. Okay, maybe a few times in 2011 and once when her ligament tore in 2014 (Okay, you have run away enough times in her life, but who is keeping a count of it). But, you have stood by her (well, more or less) since her birth. 

She feels terrible that she sometimes ignores you and does more harm to you than she means to, but she is a bit stupid. You should know by now that she doesn't understand what is good for her and what is not. 

You know her heart is in the right place. It really is! 

She even started walking regularly and eating right. She does care about you, but the thing is she loves Food too. I am not saying what she does is right. Of course not. I know her actions cannot be condoned. I have told her many times not to get swayed away so easily. 

She really can't help it sometimes. She feels extremely sorry for what she has done to you. 

She promises to be better. She will not hangout with the Fried Food Gang or the Junk Food Group. She will try for sure. I can assure you that she will. I will make her. 

She promises to take better care of you, but you also have to show your support. You cannot keep running away every time you feel a little down. You need to help her. 

You give her so much pain all the time, be it her shoulders or the right hand. Hasn't she accepted that? I know she was initially so angry with you, but look at her now, hasn't she come around to that? 

You have to come back. She has missed over ten days of exercise and studies. This is not good for her, or even you. The more she misses you, the more tensed she gets, the more you feel like running away. It's a vicious cycle, and we have to break it. 

I know if you, she and I sit down and talk this out, things can get better. We are meant to be together forever (or well till she is alive)! 

Now, come back! Please! I also miss you! 

Your's Lovingly, 

Arunima's Brain. 

TODAY'S CHECKLIST:

• Exercise: None. 
• Food:
  • Breakfast: None
  • Lunch: Homemade Soup
  • Snack: Homemade Soup
  • Dinner: Homemade Chicken and Fried Rice
• Study: None
• Read: None
• Feeling: Better but felt weak so took rest today. Hopefully, today is the last day.

2017 Chapter I Section 28

When Will I Get Better?

My tonsils are still hurting. So are my shoulders and the rest of the body. 

Not a good day!

Tata!

TODAY'S CHECKLIST:

• Exercise: None. 
• Food:
  • Breakfast: None
  • Lunch: Rice, Dal
  • Snack: Fried Rice (Homemade)
  • Dinner: Clear Soup
• Study: None
• Read: None
• Feeling: My head is splitting open, and body aches so much. 

2017 Chapter I Section 26

Still Unwell: A Poem

My head is spinning
Like a little top.
I have been waiting for a while, 
For my ears to pop.

Nose is blocked, 
Yet, leaking freely.
I am getting better, 
But, oh so slowly! 

Tonsils are swollen, 
And, I have a mild fever, 
It's not even that cold, 
Yet, I have a shiver. 

Oh, Goddess of Health, 
Please make me better,
Sooner would be preferred,
Over sometime later! 

TODAY'S CHECKLIST:

• Exercise: None. I tried to walk around and almost fainted.
• Food:
  • Breakfast: Egg, Oats pancake
  • Lunch: Rice, Dal, veggies
  • Snack: Fruits, tea, boiled egg, French fries
  • Dinner: Mixed fried rice (extra chilies to get the blocked nose running)
• Study: None
• Read: None
• Feeling: Still feverish and in a lot of pain, tonsils are swollen up

2017 Chapter I Section 24

Better Yet Not There

A bit better today, but still too weak to think or do anything. 

I mostly slept. I couldn't do anything else. 

Fever has gone down, but body aches a lot. 

Funnily, I kept thinking of so many funny things to write but now am too poofed to write anything. 

Looking to tomorrow to continue writing. 

Tata! 

TODAY'S CHECKLIST:

• Exercise: None. 
• Food:
  • Breakfast: None
  • Lunch: Rice, Dal, veggies, fish
  • Snack: Rice Spaghetti in Alfredo sauce (Homemade)
  • Dinner: Clear Soup
• Study: None
• Read: None
• Feeling: My head is splitting open, and body aches so much. And, so much phlegm and so much periods! -_-

2017 Chapter I Section 13

Weigh-In Part 1

I am a ridiculously stubborn person. I know what is right for me, and I know the exact solution to many of my problems, but I do not follow them. I do not know, why!? 

Why Arunima, why, why are you like this? Why-why-why? 

So, anyway, I have decided that I need to be held responsible for my health. (Yes, that is how much I care about me, I need to be held accountable on a social platform or else I am just too lazy to take care! Ain't I the beacon of humankind?) 

This is, of course, for none, other than ME. But, apparently, this is the only way to get my brain to understand. I hope!

So, about 18 days back, I started my 'need to get fit' routine, but I haven't kept an account of anything much. So, I have decided to keep a tab on it from now on.
 
Fridays will be my 'weigh in' day. Last time I had measured was 18 days ago. Since then I have lost 2 kgs and 4% body fat. I have also lost a few inches from different parts of my body. Whoopee! :D

Though the progress is not that bad, I have not been able to get my food routine in control. More than often I eat things I am not supposed to and in quantities, I am not supposed to. 

I have been exercising almost every day, either walking or some form of cardio and, in between, also did some weights and interval training. But, they have been very Hodgepodge. 

I want to make it more regular and a little more planned. I do have a proper meal plan and an exercise plan which I had followed once earlier which were made by experts in the field (I mean a trainer and a dietician). 

I have even done my research and modified it to fit my current dietary requirements and exercise needs. I just need to follow it correctly! 

Well, here is to hoping my brain is reading this as I write it. (Yes, I think I am two persons in one, I contradict me more than anyone I have ever met.)

Anyway, these are the stats:

Date: 13/01/2017

• Weight: 87.1 Kgs
• Body Fat: 52%
• BMI: Obese Class 2
• Lean Mass: 41.81 Kgs
• Neck: 14.50 Inches
• Shoulders: 45 Inches
• Chest: 44.20 Inches
• Waist: 45.20 Inches
• Hips: 46.70 Inches
• Bicep L: 13.30 Inches
• Forearm L: 9.8 Inches
• Bicep R: 12.50 Inches 
• Forearm: 9.8 Inches
• Thigh L: 26.8 Inches
• Calf L: 15.70 Inches
• Thigh R: 27 Inches
• Calf R: 14.70 Inches

TODAY'S CHECKLIST:

• Exercise: Fitstar First Session,  4002 Steps.
• Food:
  • Breakfast: None, I woke up at 11!!!!! 
  • Lunch: Quinoa, Dal, Veggies. 
  • Snack: Pizza! (I am ashamed but all of us felt like having pizza)
  • Dinner: Salad
• Study: Stanford. Half a module. 
• Read: None.
• Feeling: Started the day off feeling groggy and lost, now feeling more focused and happier. 

2017 Chapter I Section 9

A Very Red Day

I think when George R.R. Martin was writing about the Red Wedding, he was thinking about me. 

For a colour I do not like much, I see Red everywhere. I mean everywhere. 

I have been having my periods non-stop for 25 days now. I feel weak and woozy all the time. And, I lost 2 kgs! (I want to lose weight but not like this!)

Yes, I have been to a doctor. Actually, in the last five years, I have been to 3 different Gynaecologists. 

Each one of them has come to only one conclusion; my hormones are F$%ked! (I do not like using swear words much, but had to here) 

Now, it can be due to so many different reasons, but here are some of the suspects:

1. The nerve medicines and the painkillers I had to take for a while: Now, both of these were due to Fibromyalgia. When I started having regular pain, the doctors didn't know what it was. So, I acted as a guinea pig to an orthopaedic then three neurologists, a neuro specialist and a psychologist. After months and then years of them recommending various treatments, finally, I was diagnosed with Fibro. It has been my longest relationship till date. Besides the excruciating and continuous pain that I have gone through (or go through sometimes), I was subjected to many kinds of medicines. I now avoid medications like the plague and always try to find an alternative or a more natural solution. But, there was a time when I had to take around 7-8 pills a day which included antidepressants (not for depression but the pain!!!). Anyway, I have been told recently because these kinds of medicines usually have severe side effects, having an adverse effect on my hormones can be one of them! Winner, winner, chicken dinner, eh? 
2. The bad eating habit I had for a while: I know I have a food addiction. I do eat a lot more junk than I should or even want to. Now, I am not sure how to explain that but, I do! Either way, I need to stop complaining and start working harder. Life Mantra: Mind over body, mind over body! One day at a time, come on, one day at a time. 
3. Obesity: Now, this has been a struggle for the last few years, 3 to be exact. I have been consistently gaining and losing weight for a while. This is part due to my depression and part due to being lazy. I do not have anyone other than me to blame. I am trying this year to make a change. 
4. The odd hours that I have been keeping for the past few years: This has been mostly because of the kind of work I do! I used to work late hours while I was on sets as an AD or part of the production team. Then, came late night script writing and then I started working at nights as I began working with American clients for Social Media Marketing. A good night's sleep can solve so much.
5. Thyroid: It is the suspect, but my doctor refuses to give me medicines for it yet. He says if I can cure this naturally, that's the best way to go. Now, I do agree with him, but it is quite literally making my life horrible. 

Well, there can be other reasons too, but since these are the ones which show up on the radar quite often, I need to focus on them. I have been working on them for a bit now, and my Gynaecologist says, there is a light at the end of the tunnel. But, till I see it, my body will put me through some sad days. 

And, till then, I just have to be careful so that every time I sit down somewhere, I don't go "Out, damned spot" (I know a bit out of context, but I just couldn't help myself, because 'spot', periods, you get it, right? :D).

TODAY'S CHECKLIST:

• Exercise: Walked for 10 mins before I felt like I would faint on the spot! :(
• Food:
  • Breakfast: None, I couldn't wake up. 
  • Lunch: Rice, vegetables, fish
  • Snack: Salad
  • Dinner: Rice Spaghetti
• Study: Stanford 
• Read: Finished Uganda Be Kidding Me
• Feeling: Emotionally Fine, but physically exhausted and I didn't even do much!