torn apart

2017 Chapter II Section 7

Zero Waste, Minimalism, Environmental Sustainability & Veganism Part 1

No, I am not living either life. I am not vegan, I am not really minimalistic (though I personally do not own a lot of things), and I do not live a zero waste life. But, I want to adopt all of the above and also live a green and environmentally sustainable life!  

For a while now, I have been thinking how I can be more productive and useful to the world. I also want to be a lot more conscious about my footprint here. I want to leave the world a lot better than I received it. 

I do not believe in labels at all, be it for sexuality or life choices. But, recently I have been reading up a lot on Zero Waste, Veganism, Environmental Sustainability and Minimalist life choices. 

Each one of them has aspects which appeal to my very core in one way or the other. 

I have realised that I am a hypocrite. In the true sense of the word. I am a hypocrite without realising. 

I will explain that in the following points:

A. Let's start with Veganism today: 

I say that I love animals. I truly do. I think animals are far superior to human beings. People are selfish, and one species is destroying more of the planet than all of the other species combined. 

We are not only destroying our planet and home but others' too. But, having said that, I have realised that I do not give all animals equal respect. 

I have always been against leather and other animal products. I do not own anything leather, and I use products which are animal cruelty-free. But, that is the extent of my love for animals it seems. 

Recently in India, there was a huge debate about a certain sport where bulls were being used (or rather abused) as part of it. There was a huge uproar about the sport getting shut down.

I felt disgusted when I thought so many people supports animal cruelty. I mean how can they? How can you use animals as a sport? Etc etc. etc.... 

But, then a thought struck me. I eat meat and fish and eggs and milk. I am abusing animals as much as these people are. I honestly do not think I have the right to point out to others what I do in my life.

I mean okay maybe I do not personally kill a chicken, but it is still being killed somewhere, for me! Then, how am I better? I may not be a conscious murderer, but I still am one. 

The thought made me think, a lot more than I had anticipated. I am a Bengali, and our staple diet is Rice and Fish Curry. I have known the taste of animal products since I was six months old. I practically live on animal products (now not so much).

I will not deny it; I love eating meat and eggs. And, this very thought makes me sick and disturbed. Over the years, I have noticed that every time I think about eating non-vegetarian my soul feels like it is dying a little bit.

But, the past few weeks, this has been a constant thought. I cannot be an animal lover by loving a dog but being perfectly okay with butchering a chicken. I know all the arguments for and against eating non-vegetarian, the food pyramid, etc., etc. etc....and now my brain feels so messed up. It is like I am constantly having an internal debate. 

Now, I will be honest I do not eat as much non-vegetarian as I used to before and somewhat I am losing the love for it too. But, deep down I feel like being a Non-vegetarian has become a part of my identity. I know it sounds rather strange and like an excuse. But, that's the truth. For Bengalis Food is a religion and not eating Fish (or mutton) is like losing a part of you. 

But, I feel I am making excuses, but then I feel if I continue the way I live I am still a hypocrite. Maybe, I should say I love some animals as pets and the others as food. Perhaps, at least that way, I am not lying to myself or others. But, does that solve the issue? Sigh! 

I honestly do feel that if I go veg, I will go full vegan. But, I also feel if I quit cold turkey, I will definitely relapse. Wow, I make it sound like an addiction. (A friend had recently told me how it is an addiction.) 

Well, for now, I can decrease my consumption of animal products and by-products. One day at a time. I am writing this today not as a piece to give others hope or lectures in becoming a Vegan. I think to each their own. I would never push my thoughts on others, and I expect the same from others. You don't need to agree with me, just don't bash my ideas because I feel they are legitimate, even if you don't. 

I am genuinely torn in between on this subject, and I would love to have this debate till I can maybe find a solution that works for me. I think this will be a journey that I have to take it to find me and also to find my purpose. (I am honestly not trying to sound philosophical, it is just my current state of mind!!!)

I have a few more thoughts on this, but for now, I think I will go and sit down somewhere and let this mental war play out for a bit. I feel like I am one human with too many contradictions! 

[I know I might be taking a lot more on my plate than I should, but I believe everything goes together, each supports the other. I am setting a goal for me, and I will try to achieve that, but in the meantime, I do not want to be as blind to the issues as I have been till now. That is the whole point of these blogs, to see on (virtual) paper the thoughts I have and find ways to implement them.]

[Note: To Be Continued...on this topic and others...]

Tata! 

TODAY'S CHECKLIST:

  • Exercise: Weights
  • Food:
    • Breakfast: Rice, Veggie, Dal
    • Lunch: Rice, Veggie, Dal, Fish
    • Snack: Chia Seeds, Flax Seeds, Chocolate Milkshake, Narkeli Kul
    • Dinner: Rice Spaghetti in Tomato Sauce (Homemade & Vegan)
  • Study: None
  • Read: A Clash of Kings
  • Feeling: Confused, constant battles in my head!