My brain is feeling like it will burst open.
I have too many thoughts whirling around.
I need some meditation time to settle them.
Tata!
When I was young, I used to read a lot. One of the main reasons being, I didn't have too many people to talk to. Now, don't get me wrong, I wasn't a loner, and I did have a lot of friends. But, somehow I wouldn't be able to relate to most of them. I also had a few bad years in my teenage life, that was mainly thanks to bullying at school. (more on that, in a future blog)
But, to be honest, I read because I loved to read. My maternal grandmother introduced us to reading and storytelling at a very young age. I distinctly remember her reading from books and making us understand what they meant. My parents also encouraged us a lot.
My sister did not pick up the habit of reading as much as I did. Obviously, as a child, I loved reading Enid Blyton, Roald Dahl, Agatha Christie and many more. I even remember that my parents had to build and get a few book shelves because soon I started running out of room to keep my books.
Thanks to my grandmother, I used to love reading poetry. Though she introduced me to Bengali poetry, I slowly gravitated towards the English Language. I fortunately still have most of my books of poems.
I remember I had a habit of walking around the room while reading poems. I do not know how or where I picked up this habit, but I still do this. I was also taught to read aloud. I try not to that now! :D
I never really had restrictions on what I could read. So, I remember when I was around ten years old, I had read Preludes by T.S.Eliot. (yes, the original poem, not an abridged version) I am pretty sure; I did not understand the deep meaning of the poem at the time. But, it struck a chord. I wanted to do my P.h.D in English Literature and concentrate on Eliot.
[That did not happen, unfortunately, but since then, I have read a lot more of Eliot and have discovered many other brilliant poets.]
So, reading to me was my way of feeling alive. I say 'was,' because I think I do not value the art of reading as much as I did when I was younger.
As I have mentioned before, I was bullied at school. I was 13 when it had started, and it only stopped once I left that school at 15. I had become very depressed at the time, and I used to bury myself in books.
I remember I was 12 when my father gifted Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban to me. At the time, I had never even heard of Harry Potter.
I stayed up all night and finished the book. I remember crying. I remember my heart feeling stronger. I also realised I wanted to read more about Harry. [The Harry Potter series holds a special place in my heart. I will talk about HP and my life in a later blog; there is so much to talk about on this topic.]
That year, like every other year, I took my pocket money and my parents to the Kolkata Book Fair and bought the first two books of the series.
Book Fair was my favourite time of the year. It was my pilgrimage. I would take every rupee I had saved and buy everything my heart desired. My parents would also chip in, of course. I used to come back with bags of books from various genres. According to my father, they were meant to last the year, but I would end up reading them in a few week's time. After that, I would patiently wait for people to lend me books or gift them for my birthday or other occasions. For me, my paternal aunt's house used to be Mecca. Her husband loved to read, and he had a huge collection of books. He was always kind enough to lend or gift me dozens of books. I miss those more innocent and happier times.
So, as you must have figured out by now, I love to read. Or, I would say loved to. I remember loving the quiet time I used to get while reading. Everyone in my family knew not to disturb me while I read.
I think now YouTube has replaced my love for reading which is rather sad as I feel a little stupider than before. I do not know if there is any truth to it, but the less I read, the dumber I feel.
I have been trying to cut down on my 'watching junk on my laptop' time, but have been so unsuccessful!!! I want to read at least one book a week this year, and so far it has been a disaster. Like everything in my life I started off well and did finish my quota of books in January but then I fell sick, and now I have become extra lazy! Now, I just sit for hours and watch mindless vlogs! Why why why!! And, some of the things I have started watching make me question my sanity! -_-
Where have the good old days gone? Or at least the good old me! I remember in college; I had a reading challenge with my friend. She used to claim to read fast and a lot. I did not believe her, and she refused to believe I read a lot. So, over the summer holidays after our first year at college, we decided to read as much as we could. We even had to devise a way to check the actual number of books we read! (yes, I think we might have been nerds! :D)
My final number was around 33. She refused to count the Manga and other comic books I had read (unfair, they are books too). Otherwise, the number would have been higher. Also, I had decided that was the best time to read The Lord of the Rings and those books are thick, and they take time! Anyway, in the end, I just remember being a much happier person. And, since our numbers were very close, we had called a truce. She is pursuing her P.h.D. in the English language, so I guess she has beaten me in the numbers department now!
Wow, I wrote a lot more than I had anticipated. I do still love to read. But, I have become lazier, and there are more things to distract me now. As I told you before, I feel there is a connection between my increasing/diminishing intelligence and the number of books I read.
I do need to start getting myself back in the habit of reading! Imaginary or not, I need to get back that feeling of 'not feeling stupid' and reading books always helped me to do that.
Read more, Arunima! Your brain needs it.
Tata!
Dear Arunima's Health,
I hope this letter finds you better than usual!
You have been missing in action for a bit now, and Arunima is getting a bit worried. To be honest, so am I!
She would have personally written to you, but currently, she is lying on the bed with blocked nose and swollen tonsils. She has a bit of a fever too. (I have allowed her to watch some Anime to relax her. She is watching a new series called ReLife, it's rather interesting.)
She misses you terribly. She really does love you, and none of it is fake.
She remembers the good times and the bad, but you have never been gone for this long. Okay, maybe a few times in 2011 and once when her ligament tore in 2014 (Okay, you have run away enough times in her life, but who is keeping a count of it). But, you have stood by her (well, more or less) since her birth.
She feels terrible that she sometimes ignores you and does more harm to you than she means to, but she is a bit stupid. You should know by now that she doesn't understand what is good for her and what is not.
You know her heart is in the right place. It really is!
She even started walking regularly and eating right. She does care about you, but the thing is she loves Food too. I am not saying what she does is right. Of course not. I know her actions cannot be condoned. I have told her many times not to get swayed away so easily.
She really can't help it sometimes. She feels extremely sorry for what she has done to you.
She promises to be better. She will not hangout with the Fried Food Gang or the Junk Food Group. She will try for sure. I can assure you that she will. I will make her.
She promises to take better care of you, but you also have to show your support. You cannot keep running away every time you feel a little down. You need to help her.
You give her so much pain all the time, be it her shoulders or the right hand. Hasn't she accepted that? I know she was initially so angry with you, but look at her now, hasn't she come around to that?
You have to come back. She has missed over ten days of exercise and studies. This is not good for her, or even you. The more she misses you, the more tensed she gets, the more you feel like running away. It's a vicious cycle, and we have to break it.
I know if you, she and I sit down and talk this out, things can get better. We are meant to be together forever (or well till she is alive)!
Now, come back! Please! I also miss you!
Your's Lovingly,
Arunima's Brain.
