What to take and what not to take is the question!
But is it?
The more I pack, the less I feel things are getting done!
Making lists, getting rid of them, making new ones!
This is not helping my OCDish nature!
Tata!
[Today I am not doing the weigh-in as nothing has changed since last week as I was sick the whole week and I truly want to talk about what I have written below!]
As I pack my room and get ready to leave on a somewhat long journey, I keep finding my old pictures. I have never been comfortable in front of the camera as much as I am behind it. But, on these rare occasions, somehow I willingly stood in front of a camera and let someone take my picture.
When I see my old pictures, somehow I see how much I have changed. I have evolved. Most of it is good, but there are things which I loved about the old me, which is slowly disappearing.
Anyone who sees my old pictures would always point out how thin I was at that point. Earlier it used to bother me, but now I think I have grown a much thicker skin! (quite literally I feel)
When I look at these pictures, I see a more innocent me. I see how so many people so easily used my naivety. I have always been one of those 'helpful' people. I have on so many occasions, done things for others even when it hurt me or delayed my work. I used to do that even with no thanks in return and sometimes after I helped I would hear rumours about those very people talking bad behind my back.
But, I have obviously learnt.
One of the things I miss about old me is I used to be a less angry person. I am not sure if it is because of my current situation that has turned me into an old grinch or I am slowly turning into one. But, I do get angry quite quickly nowadays. And, I do not like it.
I have always hated anger in general, and now I hate it that I do that.
I obviously miss the fact that I used to be quite slim. But, I am more confident in my being than I used to be. I might be the heaviest now, but I have the most confidence in me than ever before.
I have realised my heart is still the same. I still feel the pains I used, and now I feel them even more as now I understand the truth behind those betrayals.
I have always had a wall around me but now it is a lot more inviting yet a lot tougher to break (I do not know if it makes sense to you as it made to me).
Let me try to explain: I do talk to more people and am in general less judgemental (I was very idealistic before), but I do not jump forward to help each and everyone as I used to before. I have become a little picky about whom I let into my heart completely.
Anyway, I think I still have a lot more growing to do! And, am quite happy with the me that I have become. I just always hope to remember where I have come from and where I want to go!
On that note, Tata!
