new me

2018 Chapter I Section 7

A little late but still a start

The first Sunday of 2018! So, I took a bit of time off writing in the latter half of last year and also in the first few days of this one. And, it was worth it. I have a lot going on and yet I feel like I am standing still. I am looking for work, trying to further my studies (I am thinking about a second Masters and trying for it) and definitely making sure I am healthier than before. It has been a struggle sometimes to lose weight and eat right. When things don't go well I always depend on food to make me feel better. I want to change that. I want to be my own support system. 

I have been trying a new way of eating: Ketogenic diet. I know there is a lot of controversies around it and initially, I was very apprehensive about it. I have to say till now it has been the most successful way of eating for me. I am less hungry and more focused. I have been able to finally go under 179 lbs in 3 years and stay there. I have had my own bit of struggle with it, but I am back at it strong. One of the things I do not like about this way of eating is that I end up eating a lot of meat and dairy products. But, slowly and steadily I have been switching over to the plant-based alternatives. One of my goals in 2018 is to eat more plant-based foods. This is not only for health reasons but I want to leave less of a bad carbon footprint. 

I have also started Intermittent Fasting. It was a struggle, a true struggle but with time I have realized because of IF I eat less junk food now. I am more aware of what I am putting in my mouth and when. Earlier I had a habit of eating chips and chocolates at 1 or 2 in the morning. But, because of the specific times, I can eat, I eat better and get the right calories in. 

I tried different forms of exercise last year; from interval training to running to swimming but I couldn't sustain any of them, and I realized because I never addressed my back issues or other health issues. And, though I would start strong with my exercises, I would inevitably fall sick. This year my plan is to start slow and maintain. Thanks to my chiropractor my back pain is minimal and I sleep better. I want to start slow with walking. I also realized I love to dance and music always makes me happy. So, I have decided to dance for 10 mins every morning right after I wake up. I have done it for a few days and that has been a good experiment. I end up happier throughout the day.

So, basically this year I will continue to improve upon all the healthy habits and knowledge I started and accumulated last year! 

Last year was good. It definitely did not go as planned and that is fine. I met some exceptional people from all over the world. And, I cannot be more thankful. This has been one of the most eye-opening experiences in my life. Seeing the same things from a different perspective can be such a revelation.

I have realized my worth and I have realized I do not need to feel worthy through other's words. My actions speak for them. I have cut off a few people from my life, people who at one point in my life made sense, made me happy but I feel their presence in my life now is more harmful. 

This is a big year for me as I turn 30 and I have a short bucket list, that I want to go through (I will try putting some of them in this blog, some are too private for me to share here, though I am pretty sure I am the only one who reads my blog).

In general, I want to be happy this year and make sure I make others happy. I do not know where I will be at the end of the year. I do not know if I will be able to do all that I want to. I do not know if I will be successful in my endeavors but I know at every single moment I can choose happiness and that is exactly what I wish to do. 

I also want to be a lot more mindful of others and the world in general. I want to give as much as possible for me at the moment and I want to be aware of my surroundings. I am slowly switching to a more minimalistic approach to life, I have started having more plant-based foods and switching to products which are homemade and more natural. I know I cannot go cold turkey overnight but I can choose to keep making these small changes this year. 

A few goals I have for myself this year: 

  • Lose the excess weight I have been carrying around for a while now. It's time to treat my body with more respect and give it the right nutrients. 
  • Read more and read things out of my comfort zone. Goal is to read 52 books this year. 
  • Meet more people. Be more social. 
  • Help out more, in whatever small way I can. 
  • Write every single day (yes, I know I have missed the first 6 days already, but hey at least I started). I want to make this a memoir that I can go back to and read and be reminded of who I am, it seems sometimes I forget that. Also, I will be tracking a lot of my food and exercise and reading habits through this. I want to make it like my own one-stop shop diary.
  • Slowly change food habits to more plant-based. 
  • Be more environmentally aware. 
  • Learn more. Be it from books, online, from people, from college. I want to increase my knowledge. 
  • Learn a new language (I am currently trying to learn Spanish). 
  • Be Happy. There are too many reasons to become sad, angry, frustrated with life, others, the world, with yourself. But, I can choose happiness over everything else and that is what I want to do more. Everything on this list are just meant to make sure I achieve this last goal. I want to be happy and try and spread that happiness to others. 

Here is to you 2018, I am Ready for you! 

Let's do this! :) 

Tata!

TODAY'S CHECKLIST:

  • Exercise: 
    • Cals Out: 1838
    • Steps: 13,823
    • Miles: 5.45
    • Dance: 60 mins
    • Others: 0mins
  • Food: 
    • Breakfast: Fried Eggs (2), Sausage, 
    • Lunch: Roasted Chicken Thigh with Salad.  
    • Snack: String Cheese, Raspberries, Home Made Chocolate
    • Dinner: Ground Beef low carb taco.  
  • Eating: Keto
    • Cals In: 1515
    • Fat: 136 g (80%)
    • Protein: 61 g (16%)
    • Net Carbs: 17 g (4%)
  • Sleep: 5 hrs
  • Study: It's Sunday man! 
  • Read: The Hate U Give (1/52)
  • Feeling: Feeling ready, bring it on, 2018! 

2017 Chapter III Section 3

Then & Now

[Today I am not doing the weigh-in as nothing has changed since last week as I was sick the whole week and I truly want to talk about what I have written below!]

As I pack my room and get ready to leave on a somewhat long journey, I keep finding my old pictures. I have never been comfortable in front of the camera as much as I am behind it. But, on these rare occasions, somehow I willingly stood in front of a camera and let someone take my picture. 

When I see my old pictures, somehow I see how much I have changed. I have evolved. Most of it is good, but there are things which I loved about the old me, which is slowly disappearing. 

Anyone who sees my old pictures would always point out how thin I was at that point. Earlier it used to bother me, but now I think I have grown a much thicker skin! (quite literally I feel)

When I look at these pictures, I see a more innocent me. I see how so many people so easily used my naivety. I have always been one of those 'helpful' people. I have on so many occasions, done things for others even when it hurt me or delayed my work. I used to do that even with no thanks in return and sometimes after I helped I would hear rumours about those very people talking bad behind my back. 

But, I have obviously learnt. 

One of the things I miss about old me is I used to be a less angry person. I am not sure if it is because of my current situation that has turned me into an old grinch or I am slowly turning into one. But, I do get angry quite quickly nowadays. And, I do not like it. 

I have always hated anger in general, and now I hate it that I do that.

I obviously miss the fact that I used to be quite slim. But, I am more confident in my being than I used to be. I might be the heaviest now, but I have the most confidence in me than ever before. 

I have realised my heart is still the same. I still feel the pains I used, and now I feel them even more as now I understand the truth behind those betrayals. 

I have always had a wall around me but now it is a lot more inviting yet a lot tougher to break (I do not know if it makes sense to you as it made to me). 

Let me try to explain: I do talk to more people and am in general less judgemental (I was very idealistic before), but I do not jump forward to help each and everyone as I used to before. I have become a little picky about whom I let into my heart completely.  

Anyway, I think I still have a lot more growing to do! And, am quite happy with the me that I have become. I just always hope to remember where I have come from and where I want to go! 

On that note, Tata!

TODAY'S CHECKLIST:

  • Exercise: Weight Training, Packing
  • Food:
    • Breakfast: None
    • Lunch: Macher Paturi, Rice, Aloo Gobi
    • Snack: Lactose-Free Milk, Coffee, Cupcake
    • Dinner: Luchi, Kosha Mangsho 
  • Study: Stanford 
  • Read: None
  • Feeling: Nostalgic.