one day at a time

2023 Chapter I Section XVI

New Year, Still working on the old Me

Is it still the new year if I am writing this on the 16th of the month? Either way, Happy New Year folks.

I started this year strong on the health front. I want to keep it simple, affordable and most importantly consistent. I know I have said that before but I want to give it my all. I cannot afford to have so many health issues anymore. I am finally in the right head space (or so I feel) to tackle some of the issues that has defined my obesity.

Of course this will not solve all my health problems but it can maybe give some relief. I do not care about the aesthetics of it all; I genuinely am worried if I keep at the path I was on, I would have major irrevocable health problems.

So far so good. My anxiety does try to hinder it from time to time but instead of stuffing my face till I felt numb, I go for long walks in the cold air. It does miracles. Also, I love long walks. My mind seems to slow down and enjoy nature and sights and sounds around me. It is too busy staring at that cute puppy. Of course if weather doesn’t permit for outside walks, I am slowly discovering the joy of slow but steady walks on the treadmill. I like the gym in the building. It is not the shiniest but it has all the things I need. I also love that there are many regular gym goers, seeing them gives me an invisible sense of camaraderie.

No delivery January is also going great. I am loving not spending insane amount of money for the most unhealthy and ridiculous foods. I am still treating myself to outside food but so far it has only happened twice and I actually enjoyed them instead of mindlessly eating them.

I am also rediscovering my love for cooking. It does hurt my back but I am learning ways to work around it. I look forward creating interesting and fun meals now. I have always enjoyed variety and I try to do that every week. I am truly hoping to make this a permanent habit.

Now my back pain had become quite bad in December. There were days I could barely move. But, with regular exercise now it is a more functional. I have decided to look for a good physiotherapist or chiropractor who can help me with maintenance.

Work has also picked up which is great. But I realised there is so much more to learn now and so many things to revise.

So overall, there is nothing new that I am doing this year, just more of the old but elevated. And, I think that is the best way to go about it. My aim this year is to worry less about the future and in general and take time to relax and socialise and of course to enjoy. Life is for thriving, not just living! :)

2017 Chapter VII Section 26

Of What Was and What Could Have Been!

[Technically It's the 26th, but I have something else planned for that day, so here goes, enjoy, my invisible blog reader!] 

Of course the minute I decided I need to go back to being regular with my blog and life, my health hit me hard. There was nothing new in the thing that happened, the same old pain in the back, couldn't move, pain in the body, prolonged periods, you know the drill by now. I became an emotional mess thinking there is no escaping this loop. This is a part of my life now and the best thing to do is accept it and move on. 

Thanks to my back pain I was barely mobile for a week, then it took another to bounce back completely. And in the mean time, my never ending periods gave me company. And, before you say anything, I am going to all the right doctors and doing everything money allows you to do. These are small annoying health issues which honestly seems to have no permanent solutions. But, one must go on. 

Last week another thing happened which made me breakdown. Chester Bennington from Linkin Park passed away. I have never met him but his voice, his music has been a huge part of my life. My childhood was riddled with bullying and I used to go through bouts of depression. I do not think my family realized to what extent. For me listening to Linkin Park's music was an escape from reality into the world I wanted to build around me. The words from their songs resonated with me. I know this is the truth for many on earth but for me, it felt special. I didn't realize how much I was affected by the sad news, till I sat down and had a small breakdown. I think this news coupled with my already broken health had built up into an emotional ball of pure tears. Chester, your voice will always remain a guardian angel to me. 

It's 3:42 am and I cannot stop my brain from thinking. I am thinking of my past, the people I have left behind, memories of a time that is gone; the good, the bad, the ugly. I feel so weak yet strong at the same time. I do not know if I am making any sense but I wrote something to clear the thoughts from my brain. I will post that tomorrow. For now, I will try to go to sleep. I have an extremely long day tomorrow. 

Tata! 


TODAY'S CHECKLIST:

  • Exercise: HIIT (Soco) (Finally after two weeks)
  • Food: 
    • Pre-Workout: None
    • Post-Workout: None
    • Lunch: In N Out!  
    • Snack: Peanut butter and Jam sandwich  
    • Dinner: Pasta  
  • Study: UCI.
  • Read: Zero to One
  • Feeling: Too many thoughts.