I have a very bad habit of starting something, getting very excited about it, planning everything out and then doing absolutely nothing about it. I am quite sure this is a very human thing to do. But, I feel it’s time to tackle all these ideas and plans which have been festering in me for the past few years.
Since the beginning of this year, I have been having many health issues. Alas, it is an ongoing saga of my life, one that I have not been able to overcome yet. But I have hope.
All this and work and trying to socialize and have a life and save and and and started having a toll on my mental health. I did what a lot from my generation seem to do in times of peril; hide in social media.
I started wasting hours, and yes, I mean hours, on social media, consuming mindless content. Sometimes the same content over and over again. This, of course, did not help my mental health.
Also, trying to keep up with everyone on and offline was becoming exhausting. Though many in my life do not check in with me even once, somehow, I was guilt-tripped for missing out on a few.
This added to the misery, and I decided enough was enough; for the sake of my mind and soul, I needed to ignore all. And that’s what I did. I stopped sharing and going online. As a result, I have a barrage of texts from people I am currently ignoring.
I went out into the real world and touched grass, literally. And smelled the air, felt the breeze, and laughed with people in real life…and I can happily report it has done wonders.
I will slowly introduce the online world into my life again but all in moderation.
So, this is a new thing I have been doing for a few weeks now; I try to work from a coffee shop on low meeting days. I feel like it has helped me become more productive.
Of course, spending money in a coffee shop 5 minutes from my house is silly when I have a perfectly good setup at home. And for the longest time, I thought that way, but I also realised it has helped me get out of my rut.
I live alone in a new city/country. I barely know anyone here, and of course, the ones I know either live far away and/or they have their own lives and work, you know, adult stuff. So, it is not viable to meet and work on a regular basis.
I work from home 100% of the time, and though I love my colleagues, they are all virtual. So, in short, I feel lonely sometimes. Going to coffee shops and watching fellow workers gives me that sense of belonging I crave. The subtle nods and smiles indicating “I know how you feel” reassure me we truly are in this together.
I do try to pick smaller coffee shops or family-owned businesses so I can give them my patronage, but not going to lie; the bigger conglomerates make it easier to work at. But that debate is for another day.
So I usually try to go to a coffee shop on days when it is extra gloomy outside, or I have been in a work rut or a mid-week/month hump. Seeing fellow humans sipping on their varied liquids, working on their scripts, taking calls, jotting things down on their legal pads, and more really inspires me to go along with my daily grind. And, though I used very negative words, trust me, reader, I feel anything but negative. I feel this sense of fellowship where we are all trying to survive and thrive.
This has also been a great way to connect with my neighbourhood. I have discovered some real gems around me.
My go-to is unsweetened black tea (English Breakfast or Earl Grey); sometimes, if I feel cheeky, I get a flavoured coffee drink.
I am trying to take long breaths to calm myself and let myself feel the sense of relief I am feeling after weeks. Since the new year started, I have had a doctor’s appointment almost every single week. Sometimes it was the general doctor, sometimes the dentist, and of course, let us not forget the gynecologist.
Well, I am tired; physically, mentally, and emotionally. Sadly I am not fully done yet, but at least the pace is slowing down now, with two doctor’s visits a month. I am not counting the physiotherapist.
I am not going into what and why I had to visit all of these doctors; I just want to share the relief I feel; now that most of the urgent appointments are done.
2023 is the year I am putting all my love and effort behind my health. I have done that before, but not with the determination I feel this year. I always remind myself, though it feels tough now, in the future, I will thank myself for putting in all the effort. So…let’s gooooo!
I have been struggling with creating daily routines. I get into a flow and finally have routines, and then a slight change in plans happen like say two doctor’s appointment in the same week and voila, routines be damned. And it has not been great. I need routines to function. It gives me clarity, and knowing what comes next helps with my anxiety.
I used to be very detailed, but I have realised as long as I have the main to-dos created for the day/week and have a general idea of the workload, I can function well.
In my defense, the doctor’s appointments were needed; it was just unfortunate that I could not pace them out a little. I am trying to make sure I can avoid that in the future. I like my 9-5 work routine, so an appointment in between feels like such a big disruption. Then, I try to make up the time (no I do not have to, my company is super chilled about it but it is just me, I am the problem) and work extra on other days and then basically everything becomes chaotic. I KNOW not the biggest problems of life, but hey, these are my problems, and I just want to share them.
I still have a few more doctor’s visits scheduled throughout the year, but now I am trying to make it so that there aren’t too many in a month and then I can easily take those days off entirely and so creating a blessed structure again.
I also want to create a daily and weekly ‘me-time’ routine. I feel like I am a person who needs that to function. Nothing extraordinary. For example, I loved going for long walks in the mornings and evenings, outside, and then sitting on a bench and just watching people. Of course, with snow here, that becomes a bit tough now, but maybe I can find an alternative. I also love finding cute cafes and just chilling there. Or maybe, a daily morning tea time where I just sit and be.
I am trying to figure out what works for me now. I have always had little routines throughout, which has kept me anxious free and grounded, and focused. Of course, they get interrupted, but that is just life, right?
I actually started this blog for this precise reason, to share my mundane thoughts every day so my brain can feel lighter, like a pensieve. I haven’t been able to keep at it and can feel its bad effects. But, hey no better time than today eh?
I feel a sense of clarity spreading throughout, and I feel like routines will slowly be established. Yes, they will be disrupted, but the key is to always to go back to them. And, of course, keep the routines simple.
I feel like time is flying by, yet it is moving so slowly. There are things I want to get done, and they require patience and Time. I want those to move faster. But, on the other hand, I want to savour every minute, every day, and I am unable to do so as time is flying by oh so quickly.
I won’t lie; the last few weeks have felt very overwhelming to me. It feels like so many things are in play, and I do not have enough time in the day.
Every day seems to be getting filled up with varied doctor’s appointments and work and house chores and and and. But then again, isn’t this what I was hoping for? Full days and routines bring me joy. I like knowing what’s next. Yes, it is overwhelming at first, but once you get used to it, it just becomes simpler and easier.
I want to get to that stage of comfort. But life doesn’t work like that; you cannot skip steps.
2023 is the year of all the pending doctor’s appointments, and trust there are plenty. Phew. But it must be done. This is my year of getting back my health. It started off fine, but February saw my doubts coming back. But we got this.
The new month starts tomorrow, a new beginning, right? Or is it just a continuation? I believe it is what I make it out to be. I will choose it to be a “new start.”
Yes, this is the year of putting health first. But, sometimes, with everything else going on, it is tough to remember the whats and whys.
So, let’s take a deep breath, and as we breathe out, let’s remember the task list, and instead of getting overwhelmed by it, let’s embrace it.
Is it still the new year if I am writing this on the 16th of the month? Either way, Happy New Year folks.
I started this year strong on the health front. I want to keep it simple, affordable and most importantly consistent. I know I have said that before but I want to give it my all. I cannot afford to have so many health issues anymore. I am finally in the right head space (or so I feel) to tackle some of the issues that has defined my obesity.
Of course this will not solve all my health problems but it can maybe give some relief. I do not care about the aesthetics of it all; I genuinely am worried if I keep at the path I was on, I would have major irrevocable health problems.
So far so good. My anxiety does try to hinder it from time to time but instead of stuffing my face till I felt numb, I go for long walks in the cold air. It does miracles. Also, I love long walks. My mind seems to slow down and enjoy nature and sights and sounds around me. It is too busy staring at that cute puppy. Of course if weather doesn’t permit for outside walks, I am slowly discovering the joy of slow but steady walks on the treadmill. I like the gym in the building. It is not the shiniest but it has all the things I need. I also love that there are many regular gym goers, seeing them gives me an invisible sense of camaraderie.
No delivery January is also going great. I am loving not spending insane amount of money for the most unhealthy and ridiculous foods. I am still treating myself to outside food but so far it has only happened twice and I actually enjoyed them instead of mindlessly eating them.
I am also rediscovering my love for cooking. It does hurt my back but I am learning ways to work around it. I look forward creating interesting and fun meals now. I have always enjoyed variety and I try to do that every week. I am truly hoping to make this a permanent habit.
Now my back pain had become quite bad in December. There were days I could barely move. But, with regular exercise now it is a more functional. I have decided to look for a good physiotherapist or chiropractor who can help me with maintenance.
Work has also picked up which is great. But I realised there is so much more to learn now and so many things to revise.
So overall, there is nothing new that I am doing this year, just more of the old but elevated. And, I think that is the best way to go about it. My aim this year is to worry less about the future and in general and take time to relax and socialise and of course to enjoy. Life is for thriving, not just living! :)
