Daily 2017

2017 Chapter II Section 6

Reading & My Intelligence

When I was young, I used to read a lot. One of the main reasons being, I didn't have too many people to talk to.  Now, don't get me wrong, I wasn't a loner, and I did have a lot of friends. But, somehow I wouldn't be able to relate to most of them. I also had a few bad years in my teenage life, that was mainly thanks to bullying at school. (more on that, in a future blog)

But, to be honest, I read because I loved to read. My maternal grandmother introduced us to reading and storytelling at a very young age. I distinctly remember her reading from books and making us understand what they meant. My parents also encouraged us a lot.

My sister did not pick up the habit of reading as much as I did. Obviously, as a child, I loved reading Enid Blyton, Roald Dahl, Agatha Christie and many more. I even remember that my parents had to build and get a few book shelves because soon I started running out of room to keep my books. 

Thanks to my grandmother, I used to love reading poetry. Though she introduced me to Bengali poetry, I slowly gravitated towards the English Language. I fortunately still have most of my books of poems. 

I remember I had a habit of walking around the room while reading poems. I do not know how or where I picked up this habit, but I still do this. I was also taught to read aloud. I try not to that now! :D

I never really had restrictions on what I could read. So, I remember when I was around ten years old, I had read Preludes by T.S.Eliot. (yes, the original poem, not an abridged version) I am pretty sure; I did not understand the deep meaning of the poem at the time. But, it struck a chord. I wanted to do my P.h.D in English Literature and concentrate on Eliot. 

[That did not happen, unfortunately, but since then, I have read a lot more of Eliot and have discovered many other brilliant poets.]

So, reading to me was my way of feeling alive. I say 'was,' because I think I do not value the art of reading as much as I did when I was younger. 

As I have mentioned before, I was bullied at school. I was 13 when it had started, and it only stopped once I left that school at 15. I had become very depressed at the time, and I used to bury myself in books. 

I remember I was 12 when my father gifted Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban to me. At the time, I had never even heard of Harry Potter. 

I stayed up all night and finished the book. I remember crying. I remember my heart feeling stronger. I also realised I wanted to read more about Harry. [The Harry Potter series holds a special place in my heart. I will talk about HP and my life in a later blog; there is so much to talk about on this topic.]

That year, like every other year, I took my pocket money and my parents to the Kolkata Book Fair and bought the first two books of the series. 

Book Fair was my favourite time of the year. It was my pilgrimage. I would take every rupee I had saved and buy everything my heart desired. My parents would also chip in, of course. I used to come back with bags of books from various genres. According to my father, they were meant to last the year, but I would end up reading them in a few week's time. After that, I would patiently wait for people to lend me books or gift them for my birthday or other occasions. For me, my paternal aunt's house used to be Mecca. Her husband loved to read, and he had a huge collection of books. He was always kind enough to lend or gift me dozens of books. I miss those more innocent and happier times.

So, as you must have figured out by now, I love to read. Or, I would say loved to. I remember loving the quiet time I used to get while reading. Everyone in my family knew not to disturb me while I read. 

I think now YouTube has replaced my love for reading which is rather sad as I feel a little stupider than before. I do not know if there is any truth to it, but the less I read, the dumber I feel. 

I have been trying to cut down on my 'watching junk on my laptop' time, but have been so unsuccessful!!! I want to read at least one book a week this year, and so far it has been a disaster. Like everything in my life I started off well and did finish my quota of books in January but then I fell sick, and now I have become extra lazy! Now, I just sit for hours and watch mindless vlogs! Why why why!! And, some of the things I have started watching make me question my sanity!  -_-

Where have the good old days gone? Or at least the good old me! I remember in college; I had a reading challenge with my friend. She used to claim to read fast and a lot. I did not believe her, and she refused to believe I read a lot. So, over the summer holidays after our first year at college, we decided to read as much as we could. We even had to devise a way to check the actual number of books we read! (yes, I think we might have been nerds! :D) 

My final number was around 33. She refused to count the Manga and other comic books I had read (unfair, they are books too). Otherwise, the number would have been higher. Also, I had decided that was the best time to read The Lord of the Rings and those books are thick, and they take time! Anyway, in the end, I just remember being a much happier person. And, since our numbers were very close, we had called a truce. She is pursuing her P.h.D. in the English language, so I guess she has beaten me in the numbers department now! 

Wow, I wrote a lot more than I had anticipated. I do still love to read. But, I have become lazier, and there are more things to distract me now. As I told you before, I feel there is a connection between my increasing/diminishing intelligence and the number of books I read.

I do need to start getting myself back in the habit of reading! Imaginary or not, I need to get back that feeling of 'not feeling stupid' and reading books always helped me to do that.  

Read more, Arunima! Your brain needs it. 

Tata! 

TODAY'S CHECKLIST:

  • Exercise: Weights
  • Food:
    • Breakfast: None
    • Lunch: Rice, Mixed Veggie, Fish
    • Snack: Pav Bhaji, Mishti
    • Dinner: Dal, Rice
  • Study: Stanford
  • Read: A Clash of Kings
  • Feeling: Nostalgic. Remembering all the good times when I used to read books. 

2017 Chapter II Section 5

Blank

Since I have woken up today, my mind has been completely blank. 

I have had no thoughts, don't feel like doing anything.

I slept a lot and had two ridiculous dreams. 

One dream was about my mother driving while she is sick and I am trying to take over. 

[None of us know how to drive.]

The other one was, we are staying at a fancy hotel, and a serial killer attacks us, and my mother chases him and catches him!!!

[I narrated both the dreams to her and she couldn't stop laughing. I also woke up completely drenched in sweat!!!]

I do not know what either means and my head is now hurting! 

I will try to find out what these dreams mean. And, call it a day! 

[Not a good day as I did practically nothing.]

Tata!


TODAY'S CHECKLIST:

  • Exercise: None.
  • Food:
    • Breakfast: None
    • Lunch: Rice, Dal, Mixed Veggie, Fish
    • Snack: Rice Spaghetti in Alfredo Sauce (leftover from yesterday's dinner)
    • Dinner: Chicken Stew and Rice, Corn chips 
  • Study: Stanford (Intro to the next course, Building Business Models, look tough)
  • Read: A Clash of Kings
  • Feeling: Blank. 

2017 Chapter II Section 4

I Am On A Break

Let me be Free, 

Let me be lazy, 

Do not Disturb, 

I don't want to be Busy. 

 

I do not wish to Work, 

I do not wish to think, 

I just want to lay still, 

I don't even want to blink.

 

Give me a bed, 

Give me some food, 

Give me some space, I just want to be alone, 

I don't mean to be rude. 

Tata! :) 

 

TODAY'S CHECKLIST:

  • Exercise: 3777 steps.
  • Food:
    • Breakfast: None
    • Lunch: Rice, Dal, Veggies
    • Snack: French Fries, Momos, Puchka, Orange, Jamrul, Narkeli Kul
    • Dinner: Rice Spaghetti in alfredo sauce (homemade)
  • Study: None
  • Read: A Clash of Kings
  • Feeling: Super Happy. I met my old friend and went through memory lane. Brain wants to do nothing today. Don't make me think, please.

 

 

2017 Chapter II Section 3

Weigh-In Part 4

Well, I am super happy and super sad today, happy because I got a perfect score on my test. I am doing an online certificate in marketing and innovation from Stanford, and this is the first course I got a perfect score. I have been hovering in the early 90s for a while. So, yeah small joys of life! :) 

I am sad because this week has been a disaster exercise and food wise. I have not eaten right and not exercised well, and it shows in my weigh in today. 

I will just put my numbers in and call it a day and just try to enjoy the little success I got today. 

Tata! 

 

THE STATS FOR THE WEEK:

Date: 03/02/2017

Weight: 87.6 Kgs
Body Fat: 50%
BMI: Obese Class 2
Lean Mass: 43.45 Kgs

Neck: 14.80 Inches
Shoulders: 48 Inches
Chest: 45 Inches
Waist: 44.20 Inches
Hips: 46.20 Inches
Bicep L: 13.20 Inches
Forearm L: 9.8 Inches
Bicep R: 12.70 Inches
Forearm: 9.8 Inches
Thigh L: 27.8 Inches
Calf L: 15.40 Inches
Thigh R: 28.2 Inches
Calf R: 14.70 Inches

TODAY'S CHECKLIST:

  • Exercise: None. I had to run around a lot for some house work and then study! 
  • Food:
    • Breakfast: None
    • Lunch: Fried Rice, Chicken Curry, Palak Paneer
    • Snack: Orange. Fried Rice, Chicken Curry
    • Dinner: Pizza from Domino's (Yes I did something this stupid today), Gingerale
  • Study: Stanford
  • Read: A Clash of Kings
  • Feeling: Super Happy as I got the 100% on the course but super sad because of my weigh in! But, more happy than sad! :P Come on it's a perfect score! 

2017 Chapter II Section 2

A Very Happy Birthday

When I first saw you, 

You were a little baby, 

Now, look at you, 

You are a grown lady. 

 

You have your own thoughts, 

And, you own desires, 

You will soon be breaking a lot of hearts, 

And, putting out fires. 

 

I cannot wish for much, 

But, I only wish for this, 

That may you always be happy, lucky, 

And, live a life of Bliss! 

 

Happy Birthday little sister. May God Bless you with good health, good sense and good luck! :) 

[Today is my cousin sister's birthday! She turned 18 today. When I first saw her, I was 11! Oh man, how time flies!]


TODAY'S CHECKLIST:

  • Exercise: 2777 steps
  • Food:
    • Breakfast: None (Woke up late, still haven't been to fix my sleep pattern)
    • Lunch: Kichuri, Koraishutir Kochuri, Aloor Dum, Beguni
    • Snack: Narkeli Kul, Orange
    • Dinner: Fried Rice, Cholar Dal, Alu Bhaja, Palak Paneer, Chicken Curry [Cousin's birthday special]
  • Study: Stanford
  • Read: None
  • Feeling: Productive

2017 Chapter II Section 1

I Am Privileged

No, I am not Rich, 

Neither, do I live in a Castle.

I don't use a Golden Spoon,

Nor, do I have People at my beck and call. 

Yet, I am Privileged!


I am a Woman, 

I am Queer.

I have fewer Rights than many,

Yet, I am Privileged!


I work Hard for everything I want,

I have Struggles, 

And, they are quite Real,

Things Don't go my way most of the time. 

Yet, I am Privileged!


I have a Roof over my head, 

A loving Family, 

Loyal Friends, 

Food Galore!


I don't need to Worry about things I Need. 

I am Educated, 

I am Independent.

I have a Mind,

I have a Heart, 

I have a Voice.

Yes, I am Privileged! 

 

TODAY'S CHECKLIST:  

  • Exercise: 3187 steps  
  • Food:
    • Breakfast: None
    • Lunch: Kichuri, Beguni
    • Snack: Sweet corn Chicken soup, Orange, Jamrul
    • Dinner: Korashutir Kochuri, Aloor Dum, Cholar Dal (Swaraswati Puja special) 
  • Study: None, Rumour is you don't study on this day! :P
  • Read: None
  • Feeling: Better, happier. Went out and ate good food. 

2017 Chapter I Section 31

One Habit, Two Habit & Three: First Month of Blogging! 

I have always loved to write. I find it being the best way to express myself. I am sadly not the most skilled at it, but I try. 

One of the things, I wanted to do this year was to read and write more. I do read a lot in general, be it articles, blogs, new papers or something very general. I read books too. I used to read a lot more, but I still try to finish a book every few weeks. I want to increase those numbers, though. 

But, writing was something I was not doing at all. Maybe it's something I like to believe in, or maybe there might be some real truth to it, but I feel when I write more, I am more aware and feel smarter. 

I do not know if that makes sense or not but when I write I feel like my brain opens up, I can feel my pupils dilating as if it is ready to absorb more from the universe than it normally does. I do not exactly know how to convey it to you, but I just feel more alive. 

I have always loved writing. I do not like to talk much. I mean to most people. I have my selected bunch of people I would like to have a phone or one on one conversation with and with the rest I would rather message or chat. 

I sometimes feel quite lucky that I live in the technological era that I do because emailing and messaging systems have made this anxiety-driven person a lot more social than she could have hoped to be. 

So, basically, I am saying that writing is my outlet for my thoughts. Everyone needs an outlet, and this is mine. I do not like to divulge much of my life to others. But, through writing, I feel I get the feeling of sharing and so the need to reveal my secrets also go away. 

When I was young, I used to write in my diary, but since I have developed Fibromyalgia, the task of physically writing has been quite difficult. I do send occasional emails to the self, but in general, I haven't really 'talked to myself' in a long while. (I do believe we should all have more conversations with the self so we can learn to filter a few unnecessary things we say aloud to others.)

This New Years when everyone was busy with their celebrations and resolutions, I decided I have to promise to talk to me more or at least to express my thoughts more. Now, my outlets are few and most I do not like. Also, I wanted to hold myself accountable and what's a better way than to write on a social platform.

I know hardly anyone reads my blog, but the fact that I have convinced my brain that every day I need to write about something or the other, that I need to think more, has led me to do that exact thing. 

I honestly have enjoyed writing every day this month, and this has become sort of a habit now. Barring the few days when I was very sick, I have made it a point to take some time off each day from everything, sit down and write. 

I am happy I have been able to write almost every day of the month. I have noticed because writing has become such a habit; it has started affecting my other habits too. I love to follow my routine of exercises, food, reading, and studying. 

I know for a while I was not well enough to do any of it. And, knowing my health issues, there might be more days like that. But, I have noticed a positive change in my mindset. I now feel bad when I miss out something. And, instead of dismissing it or finding excuses for missing out on something I want to do. I just simply find a way to make sure I do it or at least find an alternative. 

I am positive that one good habit can permeate to create other good ones. I look forward to them, and I look forward to writing what's on my mind every single day this year! 

Thank you, stranger, for reading! :) 

Tata! 

TODAY'S CHECKLIST:

  • Exercise: 1944 steps 
  • Food:
    • Breakfast: None (Woke up late, still haven't been to fix my sleep pattern)
    • Lunch: Rice, Rajma, Cauliflower and Potato Curry
    • Snack: French Toast
    • Dinner: Soup
  • Study: Stanford
  • Read: None
  • Feeling: Happy! Tonsils hurt but rest seem to be working. 

2017 Chapter I Section 30

Can't Express

So much happening, 

Too many thoughts. 

No outlet. 

I sit and stare at the screen. 

Motionless & Dull.

Brain Overloaded. 

Thoughts abound, 

Words are not. 

TODAY'S CHECKLIST:

  • Exercise: 600 steps 
  • Food:
    • Breakfast: None
    • Lunch: Rice and Chicken 
    • Snack: Homemade Soup, Apple
    • Dinner: Pulao and Aloo Dum
  • Study: Stanford
  • Read: None
  • Feeling: Tonsils hurt but rest seem to be working. Brain feels rather dead. 

 

2017 Chapter I Section 29

A Loving Letter

Dear Arunima's Health, 

I hope this letter finds you better than usual!

You have been missing in action for a bit now, and Arunima is getting a bit worried. To be honest, so am I!

She would have personally written to you, but currently, she is lying on the bed with blocked nose and swollen tonsils. She has a bit of a fever too. (I have allowed her to watch some Anime to relax her. She is watching a new series called ReLife, it's rather interesting.)

She misses you terribly. She really does love you, and none of it is fake. 

She remembers the good times and the bad, but you have never been gone for this long. Okay, maybe a few times in 2011 and once when her ligament tore in 2014 (Okay, you have run away enough times in her life, but who is keeping a count of it). But, you have stood by her (well, more or less) since her birth. 

She feels terrible that she sometimes ignores you and does more harm to you than she means to, but she is a bit stupid. You should know by now that she doesn't understand what is good for her and what is not. 

You know her heart is in the right place. It really is! 

She even started walking regularly and eating right. She does care about you, but the thing is she loves Food too. I am not saying what she does is right. Of course not. I know her actions cannot be condoned. I have told her many times not to get swayed away so easily. 

She really can't help it sometimes. She feels extremely sorry for what she has done to you. 

She promises to be better. She will not hangout with the Fried Food Gang or the Junk Food Group. She will try for sure. I can assure you that she will. I will make her. 

She promises to take better care of you, but you also have to show your support. You cannot keep running away every time you feel a little down. You need to help her. 

You give her so much pain all the time, be it her shoulders or the right hand. Hasn't she accepted that? I know she was initially so angry with you, but look at her now, hasn't she come around to that? 

You have to come back. She has missed over ten days of exercise and studies. This is not good for her, or even you. The more she misses you, the more tensed she gets, the more you feel like running away. It's a vicious cycle, and we have to break it. 

I know if you, she and I sit down and talk this out, things can get better. We are meant to be together forever (or well till she is alive)! 

Now, come back! Please! I also miss you! 

Your's Lovingly, 

Arunima's Brain. 

TODAY'S CHECKLIST:

  • Exercise: None. 
  • Food:
    • Breakfast: None
    • Lunch: Homemade Soup
    • Snack: Homemade Soup
    • Dinner: Homemade Chicken and Fried Rice
  • Study: None
  • Read: None
  • Feeling: Better but felt weak so took rest today. Hopefully, today is the last day.

2017 Chapter I Section 28

When Will I Get Better?

My tonsils are still hurting. So are my shoulders and the rest of the body. 

Not a good day!

Tata!

TODAY'S CHECKLIST:

  • Exercise: None. 
  • Food:
    • Breakfast: None
    • Lunch: Rice, Dal
    • Snack: Fried Rice (Homemade)
    • Dinner: Clear Soup
  • Study: None
  • Read: None
  • Feeling: My head is splitting open, and body aches so much.